Advisory consultation/Songde Psychiatry Zhu Jingyi, a clinical psychologist and drama therapist,
, two loved ones entered marriage, and linked together with the habits of their respective original families and unexpressed expectations. However, marriage life is not as simple as the end of a fairy tale. From love to the joint ownership of a family, both parties need to invest more effort to build the family and build relationships.
Zhu Jingyi, a clinical psychologist and dramatist at the Songde Psychiatry Clinic, said that if you want to have a healthy relationship with good communication after marriage, both sides must have a mature attitude towards themselves and their partner, which can be considered as follows:
1. Self-observation: Understand what you really want. , see which dark side of your behavior and expression comes from, or whether you have any excessive words, for example: When the wife is angry about her partner and complains about her attitude, without self-observation, her wife can easily fall into the role of a victim, feel wronged, and thinks "it is all he picks on me."
But if you can observe yourself, your wife may find that she is not kind to her partner while examining her, and find that what she desires is actually the praise of her husband. These observations will help the wife improve from her own language preferences, or express her needs more clearly to her partner, and then have the opportunity to lead her husband to return positive words or praises, so that the relationship can enter a benign cycle.
2. Reasonable expectations: Most people often think that "If you love me, you should try to understand me and understand me. You should know my habits and preferences just by your finger." This is a misunderstanding of your partner in the relationship. This kind of expectations may be traced back to the time when the child is young. When the child is not able to speak, the father and mother who love the child always understand his needs and meet his expectations as much as possible, so they mislead the men and women in the relationship, thinking that being loved also includes It is fully understood, but in fact, in the relationship between the two genders, the understanding between each other must be based on the relationship between regular communication and long time to develop a corresponding tacit understanding. Favoring each other does not mean that the other party will definitely know or remember that they like to eat or eat noodles. The more detailed the preferences and habits are, the more long-term relationship and appropriate time expression are needed to cultivate tacit understanding. Therefore, in relationships, thinking more about the other party’s needs before arguing and retracting wrong expectations will help build up the relationship between husband and wife.
3. Avoid comparison: Everyone is different, each has its advantages and disadvantages. If you only focus on the imperfect shortcomings of the other party in marriage, you will habitually ignore the other party's advantages, which will make each other fall in a dilemma of looking at each other. Compared with others, if you pay attention to the relationship where the partner is more lovely than others, it may not cause emotional inseparability. However, if you pay attention to the relationship between the partner and the others, you will only see the other party’s shortcomings and your own dissatisfaction, which will not benefit the maintenance of the relationship between husband and wife, and may also hurt the partner’s heart. Therefore, avoiding comparing and looking at the other party’s advantages in marriage will help maintain the relationship and add points.
Suppression and unhealthy feelingsFor everyone, emotions are a normal physiological expression. In the face of emotions, a healthy approach is to accept, express and find a way of expressing oneself, rather than to suppress. In relationships, communication and intentional disputes can promote both sides. Understanding each other, suppressing emotions and tolerance, or cold wars are just to not let the dispute happen unhealthy. Not communicating is not only beneficial to promoting mutual understanding, but may also become emotionally numb or lose the passion to build relationships with your partner because of suppressing emotions for a long time.
Zhu Jingyi's psychologist pointed out that pressure is different from tolerance. When emotions occur, if the person in charge clearly feels the discomfort in his heart but is hard to deal with or pressure it, it means patience or pressure. At this time, he can see whether his body is beating faster, whether his muscles are getting tighter, whether his body is hot, whether his posture changes, whether his speech sounds are getting louder, etc., to check whether he is suppressing emotions.
Appropriate expression and acceptance of one's own emotions help to relieve stressful emotions, but when expressing, be careful not to lose focus on expressions, avoid over-amplifying the matter or engaging in other things, so as to ensure that indiscriminate quarrels are avoided. For example: When your husband is angry because of his troubles, don't say in a big way: "Why can't you do anything well?" or "Can't you help more at home?"
Psychologist Zhu Jingyi also reminded that marriage relationships require long-term operation. Working together to maintain family harmony is the basic common sense. We should avoid letting both parties fall into emotional blackmail, such as: "If you love me, you will do these things for me" or "If you love me, you will do these things for my father and mother". Emotional blackmail will make the relationship unbalanced and cannot start effective communication, which will make the other party feel suffocated in the relationship and eventually destroy the relationship between the couple.
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